It was the alarm clock's fault, it didn't go off. How the heck was I supposed to know it needed a new battery? I blearily open an eye when next door's dog barks interupting what was a fantastic dream about an ex boyfriend. It was only five fifteen I lay back and tried to immerse back into a blissful state. A few minutes passes and the dog is still yapping and voices can be heard. Once again I'm late, swearing at the clock I rush into Alex's room and whip the duvet off his sleeping form knowing that will get him moving.
There's nothing worse than being late, trying to remember umpteen things to do before you leave the house, knowing you don't have time for a much needed coffee, watch GMTV and criticise the outfit Fiona Phillips wore that morning.
Alex is talking at me I nod not knowing what he's actually on about. When money is mentioned I can suddenly hear and bark 'How Much?' Last minute Louis I call him when he does this. Shoving a tenner at him I curse the school and it's constant need for funding. I'm now in mid whinge and Alex wisely goes and gets ready for school having used up the last of the milk for his Coco Pops.
Arriving at school having followed a Learner driver all the way there I deposit my son in Reception and sign him in as a late arrival. The Receptionist takes in my appearance and smiles. She's noticed my rough appearance and knowing she got up in time and looks amazing I suddenly feel small and inadequate. Kissing my son I throw an evil glare in her direction wishing looks could actually kill.
Now I have to battle the traffic and find a space to park in town.
"You're late", The Doctor's Receptionist states the bleeding obvious as I stand there trying to get my breath back after fast walking from the car park.
I hate it when they say that like I did it on purpose. Mumbling a 'Sorry' I sit down next to an old guy with a hacking cough and instantly regret doing so. Now I've got listen to it and have bits of phelgm coughed over me. The waiting room is full and as usual there's a baby bawling it's head off whose mother makes no attempt to shut it up. Two old dears sitting opposite are discussing their ailments and I listen while pretending to read an ancient copy of People's Friend. I've heard the woman's life history before the doctor comes out announcing my name loudly.
Everyone stops what they're doing to watch as I go to greet the doctor who apologises for the delay. I find this comment amusing as I've been silently cursing him for keeping me waiting and have phelgm spattered on the side of my head courtesy of the man sitting next to me.
Explaining my symptons he's already writing out a prescription. I hate that as I haven't finished telling him of the pain I've suffered and the sympathy I need.
He looks up and suddenley asks a question, my answer leads to the fact I've got to get changed and have my nether regions gawped at.
Standing behind the curtain I realise the pants I'm wearing are my naffest and there's a hole in my socks confirming that I'm not the latest model for Ann Summers.
The door bursts open and it's the receptionist again, I hear them discussing another patient then its silent. They're probably looking at my socks which can be seen from under the curtain. During the examination I study the crack in the wall and suddenley it's all over and I'm sent on my way with prescription in hand to the chemist.
I'm informed by a hatchet faced Pharmacist that there's an hour wait for my medication and it's no use moaning. They're short staffed and she can't do it any quicker. I spot the hacking cough man looking at a display of suppositories and fearing another phelgm explosion leave.
As I wander down the High Street I'm making a mental list in my head of what I need to get and where I'm supposed to be. Running late has messed up my day and my mood is that of a spitting cobra!
The people in front of me suddenley stop having met someone they haven't seen since time began. Too busy reminiscing they fail to notice they've blocked the path and the only way past is to step onto the busy road of which buses and lorries are hurtling past. They don't hear me grumbling about them as I pass so accidentally on purpose I elbow one of them just to make me feel better. The cow doesn't notice so I go on my way cursing her choice of naff trousers.
Vicky is my boss and unbearable to work with. Married to the rich and handsome Howard her life is the complete opposite of mine. She doesn't have to work at all as hubby's got money coming out of his backside of which he talks through much of the time. Jetting of to places such as Cuba and Miami is the norm for them and they still moan about it. I'm grateful for a weekend in Brighton if I get the chance.
As I enter the office she smiles at me. "You look awful", she says and I nod in agreement. The other girls look up from their desks as I hand over the sick note. I'm aware that as soon as I leave they will start discussing me and how my absence has meant they will have to do extra work and they hate me for it. Vicky suggests I go home and take it easy. I feel like a kid as she speaks in a patronising manner nodding in all the right place I bid farewell at the first opportunity. The animated conversation which stopped abruptly on my arrival starts up again as I leave reminding me of a group of bored housewives at a pie bake off.
I really must look for another job!
I've still got twenty minutes before I can collect my prescription so decide to kill some time by window shopping. As I'm standing outside a Boutique admiring a dress I can't afford someone taps me on the shoulder. Turning round I see my ex boyfriend and he's not alone. Next to him stands his new girlfriend looking slim and stunning and giving me a look that could kill. I hate it when a guy does that, the vibes I'm getting from her signal the fact that she's got my man now and not to consider trying to get him back as there will be bloodshed.
Of course he's oblivious to this and starts rambling on about a load of nonsense I couldn't give a stuff about. Watching as his girlfriend clings to his arm possessively it's clear she is threatened by me so I find myself milking the situation for all it's worth.
Suddenly I'm travelling down reminiscent lane with my ex, sharing jokes while she stands there stone faced. After a short while she cannot bear it any longer and is pulling at his arm bleating about some appointment they simply can't miss.
Both she and I are aware of what I'm doing as we catch each others eyes.
Eventually I stop being a bitch and leave knowing full well I've instigated a row between the two. My ex is a plank anyway and deserves the vicious verbal beating she's giving him.
A pushchair is suddenley rammed into the back of my leg and this girl the size of Mount Etna barges past. There's no apology as she's busy yakking on her mobile, it's clear she needs plenty of room as she's casting shadows down the street as she goes. Rubbing my leg I decide it's time to find sanctuary in a shop.
As soon as I enter it's apparent I've made the wrong choice the shop is heaving with customers and dodging them is not improving my mood. A simple question to a staff member results in a blank look and I'm told the item I want is 'over there', pointing to the general direction of the rest of the shop. He's far too busy pricing things to actually show me so off I wander till I find the elusive item.
The queue at the till is long I sigh as I join the end of it. There is only one till being operated by a girl who started there that morning. She looks panic stricken taking an age to scan and pack. The queue of people are getting tetchy having spent hours wandering the aisles like me. Cutting comments are heard up and down the line I feel pity for the girl but change my mind after twenty minutes of waiting. My turn comes placing my item on the counter the girl says theres no bar code on it, I shrug expecting her to sort it as there's no way I'm getting another one. Suddenley she grabs the item and starts waving it in the air calling out for the price. I can hear more huffing and puffing from the queue as everyone now looks at the sanitary towels being waved in the air.
Eventually another staff member ambles over and tell her the price, he's oblivious the the queue and pats a couple of boxes in an attempt to tidy up.
I need a coffee badly and get out as soon as possible.
My stomach is gurgling at me as I stare at the display of waist expanding cakes I know I can't have. Having a stomach bug is inconvenient at any time especially now when I'm in the mood for a chocolate doughnut. I really don't want to barf it up later so settle for a cappuccino instead.
The cafe is busy so standing there sipping my drink I hope someone will take pity and let me share their table. Someone does move eventually but an old lady beats me to it. There's no sign of staff clearing tables and when I manage to get one it's covered in squashed food and spilt drinks left by the previous occupants. As I sit ther finishing what's left of my coffee I'm getting looks from the people at the next table. Now they assume I've made the mess and I'm a dirty cow. The woman is still staring and I feel something has to be said. "Terrible isn't it?", I say pointing at the mess. She doesn't answer turning away with her nose in the air.
Now I hate her and hope the bun she's eating gives her a crippling guts ache.
I still have errands to run with no sign of my Knight in shining armour to help I head out onto the high street again. My head is pounding as I pick up my prescription. It was at this moment I forgot what errands I had to do, with shoulders bowed I decide to head home as I can't take any more wanting duvet land and nice dreams.
There's a crowd round the ticket machine in the car park and a guy who looks like Jerry Springer in a cheap suit is moaning at a Parking Attendant. Something about being three seconds late, his wife is nodding furiously and begins to criticise the local council. All this is falling on deaf ears as the Parking Attendant stopped listening ages ago and has already issued the fine. Obscentities fill the air as I walk towards my car, soon I'll be in the relative safety of my home where no one can hassle me.
There's a problem with the ticket barrier, I have shoved my ticket in the machine but nothing happens. The car behind me toots it's horn as I've deliberatly caused a hold up. Pressing the Assistance button and waiting does nothing. The car toots again so I give him the finger, he gives it back and a row is brewing between us.
"I wanna go home", I wail into the speaker on the machine.
Magically the barrier lifts up I drive through feeling a sense of acheivement.
As soon as I'm out on the road another car cuts me up. That's the problem of driving a small car, getting picked on by other drivers. Buses are the worst, I'm sure they've had special lessons on how to piss people off.
Later after collecting Alex from school I arrive home feeling knackered, so much for rest and relaxation suggested by the spoilt Vicky I feel traumatised.
Defrosting a beef and vegetable stew thinking it nourishing and satisfying only upsets Alex as he wants chips instead. We eat in silence.
I escape to the sanctuary of my bedroom and duvet land trying to block out all thoughts on what was a crap day. Suddenley Alex is calling. "Muum", he yells. I ignore him thinking he'll realise I'm ill and asleep. No chance.
"Muum", he yells louder.
"What", I snap.
"There's no toilet roll".
The End of a Weary Day.
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