He's a Wanker but I Love Him!

With the school summer holiday's in full swing I have become a cash machine, at least that is what my teen son thinks I am. Having peeled a few more notes off the wall so he can go and have fun I am reduced to kicking my heels until he needs Mum's taxi to pick him up again.
I did have plans of my own today mainly sitting home reading a good book enjoying the peace and quiet but this idea went tits up.

Living on a small estate with neighbours close by you can't help but hear the daily goings on around you. Domestic arguments being one. The loved up couple nearby are a constant source of entertainment sharing their objective views on each other with the outside world making them perfect candidates for the Jerry Springer Show. I tend to lay bets on wifey winning and I'm usually right, with a voice that can shatter glass and a face ugly enough to turn milk sour her hubby's pathetic whimpers only fuel the raging inferno that's building up.

It didn't take much to set her off, perhaps forgetting to put the milk back in the fridge did it who knows? The piercing scream of frustration followed by a string of obscenties had the curtain twitchers back at their posts while I fumbled for a pad and pen ready to give her marks out of ten.

"Why are you such a wanker?", she bellows. "Cant you do anything right?"
The words of Judge Judy spring to mind 'You picked him'. I try not to laugh as she pauses for breath obviously recalling past misdemeanours of which she uses as ammunition. This guy doesn't have a chance now as a past affair is bought up and flung in his face.

I can't hear his response as she's drowning him out, but the sound of glass shattering makes the birds stop singing and the curtain twitchers reach for the phone keen to spread the word of marital bliss.
An hour passes and the torrent of abuse continues hubby now somewhat irked has decided to fight back but his defence is weak. His mumblings only make the hole he's digging for himself bigger and I write him off agreeing with wifey that the guy is a wanker after all!

It comes to an end when the Police are called, hubby is cuffed and about to be flung into the van when wifey comes running out in tears, having changed her opinion she now declares her love for him. Now she's the pathetic one I watch shaking my head in disbelief as they walk hand in hand back inside leaving the Police and fellow neighbours somewhat confused.

Later music is blaring from their house and we are all subjected to Cher singing 'If I Could Turn Back Time' on repeat. Obviously they have just the one song to listen to during their making up session so I've compiled a list of other bad songs just to show my pity for them.

Heartbeat by Don Johnson
I'd do Anything for Love (But I wont do that) by Meatloaf
Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley
The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me Is You by Bryan Adams
She Bangs by Ricky Martin
You're The Inspiration by Chicago
You Rock My World by Micheal Jackson
What's Up by 4 Non Blondes
Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung
Barbie Girl by Aqua
Smack My Bitch Up by The Prodigy
We Didn't Start The Fire by Billy Joel

Just a few to keep them going, Thank God I'm going out tonight!