Ooh I say.....!

Three mice in the pub having a heavy drinking session discussing who's the hardest. First mouse says "I'm the hardest i go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down i benchpress it 30 times and throw it across the room"
Second mouse says "You poof i get rat poison crush it into powder and snort it".
Third mouse finishes his pint gets up and walks to the door.
"Where you going?", the other mice ask.
"Home", he says, "To shag the cat".

Woman goes on Antiques Roadshow, slaps a tampax on the table and says "There you go twat tell me what f****** period thats from?"