What do i need a man for?

Just why does it happen to me? My usually trusty but rusty Ford Fiesta is reliable getting me from A to B on mere fumes but today knowing i needed petrol i discovered i couldnt get the petrol cap off. While at the local garage i thought i'd ask some hunky guy to help as i was clearly a damsel in distress. This guy looking like a right moose was the only man available at the time leaving me no choice but to ask. To give him some credit he did try and force the cap off but the sounds of his kids bawling in his car only added to his already stressed state.
I ended up leaving the garage petrol less and thoroughly pissed off, where was Johnny Depp when you needed him?

After coasting back home on fumes i cursed my car and resorted to plan B. My bike. Buried under rubbish i should of thrown out long ago getting it out of the shed took ten sweaty minutes. With no food in the house and my son almost starved going to the supermarket was crucial. With the petrol cap problem still on my mind i forgot the fact id arrived at the supermarket on my bike, so after buying enough food to feed an army getting home took effort and muscle, bags on the verge of splitting hung off the handles i trudged home feeling fractious and a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp. My ugly neighbour passed in his car "Youre supposed to ride it", he calls.
I'm too knackered to give him the finger so hope his balls turn square and fester, this thought cheers me up. Once home after unpacking the problem of the petrol cap arises as tomorow i have more errands to do and riding my bike ten miles to get there is not an option.
Phoning the local Ford garage i'm quoted £60 which i havent got so Halfords the car parts shop is my only option. Chewing on a mars bar the assistant directs me to the display of universal petrol caps, knowing nothing about cars i pick the cheapest and hope for the best.
The highlight of the day comes when i realise it fits my car, i cant resist the temptation to dance in the street, Alex is embarrassed but im over the moon its times like this i realise that i can do practical things without the help of a man. I'm in heaven my darlings! I just love being me..