Wise Words From Great Uncle Jim!

During the second world war my Great Uncle Jim was a 'spiv' a lovable rogue who always knew how to make a few quid on the side. The type of guy who charmed the knickers of a nun and could always get out of sticky situations with plenty of chat and charm.
I'd told Alex many stories about him and since we hadn't visited him for ages we decided to drop in for a cuppa.
Now 79 years young, Jim has lived in the same house for fifty four years and it's been in the family for about sixty so many memories resurface when visiting.

Their house hasn't been decorated in years reminding me of the times when I visited as a child. One particular day when I was around five I arrived with my Nan (Jim's sister) and asked for a treacle sandwich. Being told they didn't have that sort of thing in their house I was sent out in the garden with an apple and told to make do with that.
Being nosey I investigated the pigeon shed at the bottom of the garden got locked in and consequently got shat on by several pigeons. How the grown ups laughed! And I didn't get to eat the apple!

Anyway Alex was told to be on his best behaviour and sat listening about Jim and his second wife Chris's recent holiday to Guernsey in the Channel Islands.
"What was it like?", Alex had asked politely.
Typical Uncle Jim shook his head and said, "Rubbish", "There was fuck all there" Of course we all fell about laughing, what you see with Jim is what you get. That's what I love about him.

When I remember my 21st Birthday Party he was the first one up on the dance floor grabbing me to do a twirl in front of my mates showing them all how it's done. At the time I was blushing afraid I would trip up but looking back, I'm glad I did it. It was brilliant fun. I asked him what he thought of my new boyfriend who had come to the party. One look confirmed his thoughts. "Don't like him", he said. "His eyes are too close together".

Needless to say, the relationship didn't last.